Comatose

102609

I’m sitting in Les Schwab. Mm-hm, Les Schwab Tire Center. My nostrils are pleading for fresh air as the smell of stale popcorn and coffee battle the smell of pungent tire rubber. I’ve put off replacing two of my tires for a couple of months now. But, it’s fall and the rain has hit. So here I am. Ugh. Double Ugh for having one of the worst sleeps I’ve ever had last night. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I had to pee the whole night, even though there was no pee in my bladder. This concerns me because it may mean my “pee problem” is back. I’ve dealt with this pee problem in the past. I think it’s triggered by nerves and anxiety. The sensation basically feels like pressure pushing through the urinary tract, but not necessarily in the bladder itself; like a little pee will dribble out if I don’t consciously hold it in. It’s very annoying and aggravating.

While waiting at the counter to speak to someone here at Les Schwab, an attendant called out, Kate Sterry. My ears perked. Kate Sterry, or “Mrs. Sterry,” is a Gladstone High School teacher. I had her for Senior Social Studies. She’s a nice lady. My first thought, though, was, shit, do I act oblivious and avoid her or just say hello? Because the waiting area tables were peppered with people, I decided I might as well sit next to someone I’m familiar with. So, I went over to her table, pulled up a chair and said hello.

I felt good about my choice… even though the inevitable questions were asked, as usual––What have you been up to? How’s your mom doing? Ya know... I think I’ve finally overcome my angst for these questions. I’ve just become numb. Where they once crawled beneath my skin, they’re now just sort of rolling off. I think it’s because there’s so much going on that a lot of it just becomes a blur. So when someone asks me these questions, I deliver a slightly programmed response laced with a sense of detachment. This could be seen as a bad thing, but I think ultimately it's leaving me better off. I’m getting more efficient at spitting out the proper information, and more effective in maintaining peace of mind.